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One thirty-two-year-old woman who reports having sex less than once a month explains that the problem is her husband’s upbringing: “We’re still trying to work through the damage done by his parents’ fundamentalist teachings of sex, thus making him feel like sex is a bad thing.” Still others suffer from fear; fear they’re not good in bed, fear that they’re inadequate compared to their past lovers, or fear that they may experience erectile dysfunction.For these emotionally based fears, the best defense is building your friendship and the trust in your relationship so that he knows you accept him completely.A simple blood test can verify whether he does indeed have low hormone levels. If he spends hours every night with video games or watching TV, he’s not likely to want to make love very often, either.Assuming nothing else is wrong (often there’s an underlying disease causing low testosterone, which would have to be treated), low testosterone on its own can be corrected with hormone replacement therapy . Fat cells produce estrogen which works against testosterone—the libido builder—in men. Robert Rister, author and chemist who has written at length on how to cure low libido naturally says, “Nothing does more to restore male sex drive than achieving normal weight.” Beer has even been linked to erectile dysfunction. Another huge libido stealer for men is pornography. Addiction to alcohol or a kind of drug can also lower one’s sex drive.In some cases, male low libido is simply a physical issue. The more men are into pornography, the less they are into sex in real life. When addiction affects a couple’s sexual relationship, it does need to be dealt with, but remember that a genuine addiction is not easy to break.Porn trains the brain to be aroused by the image, not the relationship. The problem is not so much that your husband is rejecting you sexually as it is that, because he is so consumed with something else, he is unable to feel aroused or excited.Who, until this week, enjoyed using online services for their organizing, sharing, harassing, business needs and getting hateful shit done.It wasn't the post-election spike in hate crimes that turned the tide.
Bitterly, only after the literal killing of people in the streets by white supremacists.
Carve out time to value him and have fun with him so that home life becomes a haven and a source of strength for him too. But our respect for our husbands goes even further than that.
Often when there is a problem in the marriage, it shows up in the bedroom. So we concentrate on strategies that have to do with sex—buying lingerie, playing risqué games, using toys, watching porn, and trying new things. Ladies, if something is important to your husband, it should matter to you.
Look for addiction recovery groups in your area to get advice on steps you can take to help him.
Sometimes that addiction isn’t focused on something negative—such as alcohol or video games or porn—but on something positive, such as work.